hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
