i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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