please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
My vagina just clenched in fear
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
