it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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