I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize