You don't have asthma, your pregnant
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
