i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
it's great music for shaving your balls
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
