I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
