if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
