airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
