You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
