Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
