I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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