Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
This show inspires me to have sex in space
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
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