Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
