ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
