if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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