Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
so much tequila, so little girl.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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