I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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