Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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