Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
