Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
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