and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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