would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
