Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
