what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize