I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
