Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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