Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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