i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
