im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Randomize
