she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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