I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
