i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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