Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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