My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
