Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
