My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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