Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
