Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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