I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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