I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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