She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
