P.S. I can't hear my feet
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
