I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
