She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He? As in you personified your dick?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize