Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
