You really coming over, don't trick.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize
