the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
