This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
