I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize