I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
