Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
