I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
