You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
