This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
