I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
