Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
