there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
