whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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