I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
