Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
