Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize