I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
