walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
