I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize