ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize