I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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