it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
