I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
