You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
