dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
