Your dad touched me again.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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